so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
