all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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