If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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