Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
