one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
3pm strippers are depressing
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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