every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
