I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
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he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
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THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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