you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
