Taylor Swift is so right about you.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
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is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
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And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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