I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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