I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
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