i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
