chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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