your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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