OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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