have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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