You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
