marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
