Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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