Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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