What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
