I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
