I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Randomize
