I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
