y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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