what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
