I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
