Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize