She is in my trunk
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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