i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My day in three words: secret purse cake
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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