Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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