she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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