They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
