i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I want to be your penis for a week.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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