Your face is a jimmy john
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
