yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
