Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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