i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
