i was rollin on her like bob the builder
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
