I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
