Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
