Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
