Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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