Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
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If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
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The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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