I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
