Someone shit on the floor
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
