Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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