if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
there is puke in my bra ... again
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