she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
