I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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