There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
