upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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