he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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