Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
