3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
