Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
