ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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