I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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