Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize