I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
