on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
