That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
