we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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