i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
