he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
