Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
