I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I need moral support for this bender
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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