how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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