There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
