Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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