yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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