So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
