I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
