Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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