Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
