I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
