We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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