Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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