I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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