I didn't shave. On purpose
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
