I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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