i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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