Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
